Ask PP: How do mediums deal with grief?
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The Question: As psychic mediums, how do you deal with grief? Do you have friends or relatives on the other side that you talk to regularly? I do have psychic abilities and want to develop them, because I crave all the contact I can get with my deceased dad, but it never feels like enough. Even believing in the afterlife, it still breaks my heart that he isn’t here physically. I’ve been told that spirits can only have brief conversations with us, since they have to work hard to lower their energy in order to communicate. Is this true? Can we only ever have little snippets of contact with them? How can I make the most of spirit contact to ease my grief?
Poorly. I deal with it very poorly. As a matter of fact, I would dare to say it hurts us more. I lost my dog in August of 2016 and it tore me to shreds. I still miss her. I still miss the way she left, I still grieve that I wasn’t able to be there when she passed, I still mourn her leaving. It doesn’t matter that it was her time, or probably a few years past it- as a medium, or psychic, or channel, whatever label you want to use, you are a being that has allowed yourself to be “more connected”, more “sensitive, and to really “feel.” You become a person that has deep feelings. You cannot be a medium and not have ’emotional’ connections to those you are connected to. That applies to both spirits incarnated and not currently incarnated. So when I lost my dog it was over. I was done. I almost said fuck it and went home. It was truly “that fucking bad.” I made the decision not to do anything stupid that day, but was still trying to not get myself killed driving home with blurred vision from the amount of tears and sobbing heaves keeping me driving in straight lines.
So again, it sucks. It hurts. And it’s very hard to deal with loss no matter who you are. If you love someone, and lose them, it’s going to hurt. Welcome to being human.
Now, having said all that do I have regulars I talk to that are passed? Yes and no. I have family members that have passed and once or twice have shown up in a reading I had with other mediums. But for some reason they don’t really come around, even when asked. It very well could be an issue with me being “too close” to them. I suspect some human emotions of betrayal or even sadness might be making those connections harder for myself. To date, I think about my dog often, I have her picture on one of my credit cards so I see her often too when I open my wallet, but she hasn’t come around. I suspect it’ll be years before I’m ready to let that wall down I erected that is blocking her energy from getting back to me. So I don’t get to really talk to my dead peeps as often as you’d think.
I do know it’s a two-way street when it comes to talking to spirits, they spin down, you spin up, and you both meet in the middle for a chat. So in some sense that’s why there is a perception of being limited in conversations, if one side can’t, or doesn’t wish too, maintain that state then the messages usually suffer or stop flowing.
The best way to strengthen the connection is to do things that are for love. Love your body. Love your life. Love your abilities. Love that you have a great and meaningful connection to your father, as he isn’t gone, he’s just in a new form. If you can do that, it will be effortless to feel and be love.
Hi Aspiring Medium,
Thank you for your question, it’s a big one! And I’m glad you asked it, because when I grieved someone for the first time as a medium, I wondered how other mediums did it, and tried to find resources online for mediums, and found very little. Getting professional help is one thing, but you also need emotional support from people who actually understand what you are experiencing and who don’t think you’re full of shit. If you are grieving someone close to you and either you are not “out of the closet” as a medium, or if most of your loved ones think you’re living in a land of fairies and unicorns, getting emotional support from other mediums is crucial. So thank you thank you thank you for asking!
Being a medium is simply another word for being extra sensory and sensitive enough to perceive energy that most people can’t, and this energy is usually made of the consciousness, thoughts or emotions that people project, either alive or passed. You can tune in to the energy of a room, an event, a person’s feelings, a pet, or the essence and consciousness of someone who has passed. To do that, one must be very sensitive and aware of their own emotions and feelings, because all those things are felt, and they are felt via our intuitive senses, which is based in the heart. That means yes, mediums grieve just like anybody else, because we are sensitive creatures.
I have been grieving someone who committed suicide last year, and to add to that grief, I felt I was the reason why he did that. My rational mind knew that was an insanely hostile reaction to have against myself, but my broken heart didn’t give a shit what my rational mind had to say about anything. I knew he was suicidal weeks before he told me, because I felt his energy very intensely, and we sometimes spoke about it. He refused to get help, and assured me he would never actually do it. When he passed, I was shocked. I felt his energy around me all the time for the first few weeks. I talked to him, and I would hear him answer me. In tears and still in shock, I would ask him questions about what he did, and he answered them with his usual honesty. Being able to do that did not make things any easier for me, because a) he was still dead and I was still blaming myself, and b) I could feel his intense sadness, regret, and immense sensitivity at how people and friends spoke of what he did. After a week, I even heard him say, in his usual tactless and direct way, to “get over it” because “you’re a medium, you know I’m right here! I’m not gone!” Things became too fucked up for me at that point, so I told him to leave me alone for a few days, and he did. One day, I realized he was gone and that I didn’t hear or feel him so well anymore. That’s because he had finally moved on to higher frequencies of love, and I was still down here, in my shitty shit pool. I had to make a much greater effort to hear him, and because it was so emotional for me and because I was still traumatized and depressed about it, I sometimes had trouble hearing him. My own empathy towards helping others going through similar grieving processes had also somewhat left me, which is another normal side of grief, so I stopped doing private mediumship readings and stuck to just talking to dead rock stars on Psychic Punx to keep my mood up. After nearly a year, I’m doing a lot better now and I plan on resuming my mediumship sessions soon.
The point is that grief is a human experience that is necessary, and being able to talk to spirits or knowing things about the afterlife makes no difference as far as how the heart feels grief and loss. Even though a medium knows there is no actual “loss,” we can of course still grieve and miss someone’s physical presence in our day to day lives, and that hurts just as much as anyone else’s hurt. I still miss the fucker, but I also acknowledge and accept that my relationship with him is simply different now.
I personally feel that all human beings are responsible for their thoughts and actions, and that it is a basic human right for everyone to leave this world however they choose. I have immense compassion for my friend, but I still have moments of grief for what he did, because it completely broke my heart and crushed me to pieces. It was a traumatic experience, for which I got professional medical help. Medium, shmedium. I’m a fucked up human too! 🙂
When my father passed away in 2011, that became my motivation to pursue mediumship, because as a child I could hear and sometimes see spirits, and I loved it. I wanted that again, and I wanted to continue my conversation and relationship with him, and I also no longer wanted to fear spirits, because I’d had plenty of weird experiences too. If you already have the extra sensory abilities like you say you do, learning mediumship can be an easy thing. It’s normal when we are very emotional to not hear or feel our loved ones as easily, because there are a lot of feelings on our end that are most likely still unresolved and coming between that communication. I personally don’t believe that spirits ever have to “come down” to our frequency – theirs is naturally high. Their gift to us is that it’s up to us to raise our own energy, through opening our heart and mind, to get to reach them. That’s the motivation factor – it was for me, and it still is.
In the last year, my grief and various other challenges forced me to reflect on a lot of things about myself and it also changed my relationship with the spirit world for the better. Even though I was in a darker place than usual, it actually propelled me towards further mind expansion and greater metaphysical experiences. You need to get through the shit to learn and understand who you are, and that’s how our natural frequency gets to rise: not just through forcing ourselves to stay positive all the time, which usually results in numbing our feelings down – a profoundly counter-intuitive thing to do if your aim is to be more intuitive and open. It’s more than ok, and I should add healthy, to feel all the complex emotions that come with grief.
I don’t have snippets of communication with spirits, but with a loved one for whom I still harbor some resentment, anger, forgiveness issues, sadness, regret, etc.? Yes, that will have an effect on how much I hear them. It is through us and our intuitive senses that spirits communicate, which means via the heart, and so it is up to us to resolve that shit so that we can stop getting snippets and start actually feeling, hearing and seeing them more clearly. I still miss my dad and my friend’s physical presence, but I have accepted that my relationship with them now no longer involves their physical aspects, and that they are even more able and eager to help because they have a wider perspective on life now. I once asked my friend, after he passed, how he saw the world now, and he sent me an image of him as a giraffe, calmly eating leaves from a tall tree, looking peacefully at the world below.
I suggest you talk to your loved ones even if you can’t hear anything back, and tell them you’re open to conversing with them and getting more signs from them. See what happens.